Saturday, April 9, 2011

My Halle

Halle turned eight in February and was able to be baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ in March. She has been so excited to take this step and make this covenant with her Heavenly Father. We had so many family members and teachers and friends come and show their love for her and their support of her choice and she noticed and appreciated each one. As did I. It was an emotional day for me, partly because I just can't handle my kids getting older, partly because I felt... I don't know, overwhelmed I guess. I often feel awed or even unworthy to be Halle's mother. I feel like I have nothing to teach her, not much I can do to improve what she has already been graced with, like she should have been the mother in this relationship--she'd be so much better at it than me.

If I ask Halle to clean her room, or eat her dinner, there's a good possibility it won't get done for a really really long time. But I ask her to do something for her sister, or help me with a chore, or look out for her brother, or sit and snuggle with me for a few minutes--done. Faster than immediately. Before the words have left my mouth. When I say she is sweet, what I really mean is she is sweet times a billion infinity. Every bone in her body, every muscle, every thought, every instinct is caring, gentle, compassionate, thoughtful, affectionate, mild. She is doing her best to make me a better person. Lately, if someone in our family raises their voice in anger or argument with another person, she will turn away and put her hands over her ears. Not rudely, in an "I'm not listening, la-la-la la-la" way, but in a "Your anger is wounding my delicate soul" kind of way. Tell me if that wouldn't shut you right up. You better believe it does me. And makes me feel I should be begging her forgiveness.


The other day, Ava and Thomas were playing in the family room, while Halle and I were reading. The two little ones started to spat and get frustrated with one another. As it began to escalate, Halle put down her book and tried to negotiate a peace settlement. For ten minutes. She calmly and gently talked with them, made suggestions, offered solutions and kept her cool until they worked something out and went back to happy. As I sat with my nose in my book. Had she not been there? Mom's version of peacemaking? I would have heaved a big sigh and because I didn't want to interrupt my reading, given them til the count of three to stop fighting or they would get a time out. And then after the time out, nothing having been solved or addressed, they would begin fighting again. And then I'd be angry because I wanted to read and they'd get mad back and there would be a big scene and lots of contention and a bad afternoon for everyone. Had Halle not been there.

What does one do with a daughter like this? How do I raise her for another ten years and not mess up her perfection? How do I not rub my selfishness and impatience off on her? How can I be the mother she deserves when I'm...me?


Oh how I love my little girl. She is one of the most precious ones, truly an angel among our family of...mere mortals. Happy birthday and Happy baptism day to my beloved child.