Thursday, January 20, 2011

This Really Should Be Two Posts

Or Five. Sorry.

Every so often, I'll clean out my posts list...get rid of the ones I never quite finished, polished, or published and feel I never will. So a-dios to a few ne'er-to-be-seens. Here's a little of what you could have been subjected to, if I'd gotten my act together and you had been so lucky:

On Christmas
"I have my shopping done (mostly) and my decorations up (though empty boxes have been stacked by my front door for 4 days now) and a few Christmas activities under my family's belt. We saw a local ballet school's "The Nutcracker" (bomb: remember how boring that thing was when you were a kid? Really? Perhaps you could have reminded me.), visited a live nativity (marginal success: free hot cocoa does thankfully/barely trump a two hour line), and went on my annual Christmas date with my old college roomies (always successful)."

On Butter
"Hello treadmill, my old friend
I've come to run on you again
Because I see my backside swelling
Where it may stop there is no telling"

On Politics (Step. off.)
"My opinion is this: no form of government will work unless its people behave in a certain assumed way. If the people don't, the government is a poor fit, and neither will the government function nor will the people be satisfied, which is how I view our present situation. At the time it was established, citizens of our country held certain ideals and values (there's that naughty word) that many of us no longer see as important. Given that change, the republic we once established, like an old shoe, no longer fits. And so we are left squirming and chafing, alternately cutting holes for our toes to stick out and binding our feet. And one shouts for "honor" and another for "sanity" and each becomes more and more entrenched in their idea that we must bind or we must cut and all who disagree are socialists and all who think otherwise are idiots, because as any angry 5 year old can tell you, the best way to win is to call someone a name."

Dude, you missed OUT. I worked for a really long time on that paragraph. And there was so much more where that came from. But now I can delete, without any regret. Like when I took pictures of all these, so I could throw them out:

I don't know that I ever told you how lauded I was in the fifth grade. This is picture 2 is a series of 24. 1/5 of Woodrow Elementary's annual budget apparently went for trophies and plaques and assuring me I was a winner.

But what's really been getting under my skin, aside from this news to me and the attendant fallout in my typing identity, is my hair. Oh, you KNEW I was going to say that, didn't you! I try to be all interesting and unexpected and then I go and say that! You KNEW!

Here it is now. Four shots and I still couldn't figure how to look like I was looking at the camera.

Goodness sakes girl, put on some lipstick, you're taking a darned picture. And directly below my hair, my bathroom counter top. I didn't end up wearing that necklace.


Oh and then Halle's Forgiving box.


But here's the present deal- back to the hair (please). I've been growing it out, essentially since this disaster over a year ago and and it is exactly one and one half millimeters longer that it was when I started. That is what is known as extremely depressing. Soooo...last night I couldn't sleepaaaaand....I came up with this great idea in my semi-conscious semi-transcendental state that may or may not involve going extreme blond. Ok it does. Like pale blond, dark roots, kinda Sienna Miller, kinda SJP back when she was SJP. (That's the best I can do. I am so sadly out of it. Ryan Seacrest has ruined E! for me and thus my star IQ.) For your information, the last time I had a great idea in this state it was to homeschool my four children. I may or may not have decided that was a complete crap of an idea. Ok it is. But this one. What you think? Crap? Or Xanadu genius epiphany?

Let's proceed with epiphany shall we? For philosophical purposes. If I do go all 2005, it will take some upkeep (money and time) which I am pretty stingy with. Mostly the money. I am not the type to get her hair done regularly. Or to get pedicures or massages or buy expensive makeup or anything like that. It just kills me really, paying all that money on something that will fade or get cut off. So can I properly maintain the look or would it be more annoyance than gratification? Also as I am "growing it out" remember, will this sabotage those efforts and turn my hair to fluffy straw? There is SO much to think about that I find I am grateful Darron will be gone this weekend. The situation calls for some serious Hot Tamales and my Period Romance queue on Netflix.
And don't forget me and Ikea. Doing our part to smother Mother Earth with our establishment consumer refuse.


Here's panning 30 degrees to the right and a glimpse of my new luscious paneling and cabinetry.


We are finally starting to buy to replace the furniture ruined by numbers 1-3. And rat babies I think. I'll probably post pictures of that all eventually, but I may also probably forget.
I don't get a lot of requests around here and really I don't ask for them. But the two I tend to get repeatedly are: Can I see a picture of your hair? and Whatever happened to your sex post? Well hair and sex are both fine venerable interests so I totally get the curiosity, no question. And I do like to be helpful so now you've seen the hair we can move on to the other thing. Awhile back I posted quite a lot of stuff you never ever wanted to know about me and Darron and our intimacies. Especially if you are in our ward and have to look at him every week in church. I'm sorry I'm so sorry. So it was a little too much for me to have that hanging out there for anyone to just...read. I have no problem talking about private things with people I know, but I just couldn't ever completely relax knowing that was all just sitting out all unprotected and judgeable. So I pulled it. I hoped it had fulfilled it's intended purpose...I really felt strongly at the time that I should post it. But that time passed and so did the post. Here's the gist of it:
Darron and I had troubles adjusting to our intimate physical relations when we were married and for a good long while afterwards. See how I'm being all coy and delicate? Fights, misunderstandings, blow-ups, periods of pointed silence, imagine the worst if you will. And we have come a long way since then, especially in the last two years or so. Many things helped us, but a certain book was one of the most integral in getting the ball rolling. It is called And They Were Not Ashamed . Check out the author's official website too, if you'd like.
We're winding up here, I promise. It's getting late and harder to construct a sentence, let alone space only once. Anything else I can do for you, just let me know. As you know by now, baring my (husband's) deepest secrets and showcasing my own narcissism do not deter me, so no request is too cheeky. Feel free.