So what it's looking like is if Darron ever dies or leaves me for some big-haired Utah floozy you will find me at home in my bed watchin' movies and eatin' Hot Tamales. Because I think I've found that that is my happy place. Not my "happy" happy place...that place is a little secluded beach in Maui with a hammock and a lifetime supply of books carried in on the backs of sea turtles. And Darron's invited. If he keeps his mouth shut and gives me a scalp massage. This other place is more my "fetal position" happy place, where you just want time to pass as quickly and mindlessly as possible but also need to satisfy your sugar lusts.
The morning after Darron left for a 4-day backpacking trip---wh-wh-whoa! Waitaminute! Really? BACKpacking? OH Yes. Darron went backpacking. It's true. Big breath, take a minute if you need one. Everyone ready? Ok, continuing...the morning after Darron and Hinckley left for a backpacking trip found me laying in bed prolonging the moment when I'd have to rise and begin the day. Which may remind one of every other morning (and I use that word loosely) this summer that has found me in precisely the same spot, but it was totally different because this particular morning I was contemplating whether or not I was going to brush my teeth immediately after arising, or just, you know, whenever I felt like it...whenever the kids complained. For some reason, that is the first thing to be compromised when Darron leaves. First-thing-in-the-morning toothbrushing. Of course, as my bed began to fill with children, alternately whining for breakfast, pulling the pillow off of my head, and yes, complaining about my breath, toothbrushing was put back on the schedule, and I reluctantly rolled out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom.
Housecleaning is the next thing to go. I generally try to keep up with things during the day, at least one big tidy-up around dinnertime, but no, not when there's no one around to care or notice. Meals? If my kids say they're hungry, they get fed. If not, well, they just may not. Things I DID do? That I'm proud of? Shower. On more than one occasion. Scrub two bathtubs. Go to church. Mop part of a kitchen floor that got honey on it. Buy Hot Tamales, which entailed going to two stores because the first sorry store did not carry them. Bathe my children. Now comes the good part. Watch 12 movies. Eat a corresponding number of bags of Hot Tamales. A-a-a-and there you have it. The last four days of my life, condensed, reduced to their essence, and totally, completely wasted.
Ugh. I hate when my husband is gone. Ugh. I hate how whiny I sound when I whine about my husband being gone. And this time, not only was he gone, he was out of cell-phone range. WAAAAH!!
It's not like this when I am the one doing the leaving. I recently got back from my summerly trip to see my family, the one that takes 3 weeks, the one Darron is not invited to, for various and sundry reasons. The kids and I drive around and see all my siblings and parents. I love this trip. We have a grand time and I do just fine without my husband. I mean, I miss him, but I can function, don't have to take up agoraphobia as a hobby, I brush my teeth. What's the deal?
*Sigh*
I miss him.
You and I are indeed kindred spirits! Hot Tamales are my first true love. In fact, Russ and I always tell people, when they ask of our courtship, that a love of Hot Tamales brought us together.
ReplyDeleteI hope your man gets home soon! But first, brush your teeth!
As Halle would say: "What the....."? DARRON JAY MILLER, the one who is married to YOU, went backpacking???? On his own will and volition? I am in total shock! How in the world did this come about? Was it a bishopric counselor duty, did Hinckley really want to go, or was it some other reason? Whichever it was, I must say I am very impressed.
ReplyDeleteI know just how you feel. I LOVE to go on my Wyoming sisters trip, to which your dad is not invited, for various and sundry reasons, and I do just fine also. I miss him but function just fine, but when HE leaves on a solo trip, I really do miss him:-(
Luckily, Darron is probably back by now and you have stopped ODing on Hot Tamales and movies and I want a full report on how he did!
Darron went camping? With the dirt and disorganized nature and stuff? I can't quite wrap my head around this. I think you should invite him to be a guest blogger and write about his experiences. You know, for posterity. And because I love a good laugh.
ReplyDeleteAnd you, TWELVE movies? How did you even think of twelve movies to watch? I am actually really impressed. I didn't think you had it in you. That kind of lounging takes some serious dedication! Way to go!
PS I'm glad my kids are too young to notice morning breath. Or just too young to say anything about it.
Substitute sour patch kids for the hot tamales and that's about what I did the last 10 months of my life. Or at least tried to do, when I wasn't madly cleaning for showings. Glad to have a husband again!
ReplyDelete