Sunday, April 11, 2010

"That" Mom

Every now and then I get the urge to completely overhaul my diet. I'm not the healthiest eater-- not the worst, but not the healthiest. I likes me butter. The biggest incident was when my sister introduced me to the tv show "You Are What You Eat" on BBCAmerica. Not sure if it's still on, that was several years ago, but if you can find it?....WATCH IT!!! You will not be sorry. Not only is it informative, eye-opening, inspiring, and scary, it is entertainment at its best. Oh my gosh is it ever. I guess in the UK it's ok if you blatantly insult some one's lifestyle, intelligence, personal appearance, smell, and poop, which may make you think twice about visiting, but really is refreshing when you watch it safely from your own home one ocean and two-thirds of a continent away. And the participants are not afraid to grab their fat and shake it for the before shots. (That's for you, Susie. Actually it's all for you. It's like the producers had a wormhole to your mind. But I digress...)

So periodically something like this show comes along and makes me realize how lousy I eat and how much I could help my family by cleaning up our diet. My husband wouldn't be too cool with it, but I am the only cook in the house, so... :) More vegetables, whole grains, etc. etc. I don't have to tell you. But lately my musings have taken me further. Ava has mild allergies, which we recently discovered are affecting her more than we thought. So I'm reading all this stuff about what causes allergies, why it is more of an epidemic than a fact of natural life, alternative treatments (alternative to taking a pill every 12 hours for the rest of her life), you know, real subversive annoying stuff like that. Oh and by "reading" I mean "googling" of course. Which academic research has led me to questions many things and come to the realization that if I were an energetic, intense, driven person I would completely and thoroughly overhaul our diet. Move away from wheat, positively eschew anything processed or refined, grow my own darned vegetables, and spend my entire waking life preparing food for my miserable and mutinous family. Because I want to be that mom. The one that tells her son's kindergarten teacher that he can not have any birthday/holiday class treats EVER because "we're gluten-free" as the son sits crying at his desk while the rest of the class bounces off the walls in mass cupcake ecstasy. Maybe just a tiny step back from that mom. Cause I'm pretty scared of her and I'd like to have a head start if needed.

Do you ever feel that way? As more and more research reveals that 80%-ish of our bodily woes are liked caused or worsened by poor diet and ingestion of harmful things? Obesity, cancer, depression, hormonal imbalance, depression, allergies, chronic fatigue, acne, stinky poo, hair loss, I mean, it's more than a little freaky, yeah? And, yes, I made up that statistic, but it just feels right. A massive lifestyle overhaul makes sense, it does completely and utterly and my heart buys into it, but my butt just doesn't. My lazy butt. I don't know if you guys have met. Generally this is how it goes.

Heather gets big brainstorm idea.

**I Know!!!** Let's sew all my family's clothes for the year from scraps of fabric I have laying around in my craft cabinet! And purses, too! I'll make purses!


**Hey!** How 'bout I keep a spreadsheet of all of the food I buy and then use and update it every time I cook or shop so I can keep track of what comes in and out and know how much of what we go through! You know, to simplify things around here!

(or, here--here is a good one)

**I've got it!** I'll empty out ALL the closets and cabinets at the same time! Then I can organize all our stuff according to use frequency and proximity. I'll divide the stuff into categories, subcategories, then create a floor plan to scale of each room and it's potential storage capabilities. Each item will be entered onto a master li--"

But at that moment, in ambles my big old lazy butt.

"Hey, I'm gonna go lookit facebook, 'kay? Then prolly a nap."

My grand schemes are doused and deflated like that. All my fire and ambition...gone. Kaput. I am all talk and noooo action. So although I feel like a complete diet transformation is a really really great idea (really!), I know deep down I will never go through with it. I'll buy a few extra fruits and vegetables and take it easy on the Cheez-its this week to keep the guilt at bay and in a few more weeks I'll completely forget what it was I was so worked up about. And go back to what I usually do...naps, facebook, and poor nutritional choices.

What do you do to find motivation in the face of a huge insurmountable undertaking that will suck the joy out of living, create four times the work and cost five times the money, and cause your children to openly despise you and secretly buy white bread and marshmallows to eat under their beds at night? Anyone???