If you know me very well, you may know my feelings about living in Utah. I like it. Really. I know that sounded like a setup for a wisecrack, but I really have grown to love living here. I moved out here from sunny (foggy, muggy) central California after high school to attend BYU, got married along the way (somewhere between Baker and Barstow) and have been here ever since. Fifteen years ago, my friends.
Before I moved here I was of course, like any self-respecting "non-Utah Mormon" completely and superciliously prejudiced towards Utahns. Believing and passing along Mormon lore and gossip like it was the latest Ensign edition. Next to canon. And being from California certainly didn't help things. Californians, along with New Englanders, are born with a sense of superiority, which just further intensifies the longer you live there. Not that there's anything wrong with that. If there is anyone I haven't so far insulted, hang on, I'm getting there.
Over the past 15 years, I have come to terms with my Utah issues and love being here. I think there are benefits and challenges to living anywhere and we just try to take advantage of the benefits. Our kids' school alone is one reason we would never want to leave. There is nothing to compare to it anywhere in the world and we are so grateful we get to experience it. But that's fuel for another post. There is one thing about Utah that really irritates me. Maybe not irritates as much as makes me a little sad. I was talking to a friend the other day about how she likes going out of state when she's pregnant because they--strangers-- make such a big fuss over her. People offer completely unneeded assistance, hold doors, make special accomodations, etc. How absolutely lovely. Now you all know how I feel about pregnancy. I LOVE it. On me and on others. And here in Utah, you are 92 % of the time within 10 yards of at least 34 pregnant women. And there is a 85 % chance that you yourself are also in the baby way. Which tends to dilute its uniqueness. As well as the assistance and recognition you receive from others. Not necessarily because you need it, but because you deserve respect for carrying out such a special task that means everything to our human race. AND because you are beautiful. Beautiful people should always get special treatment. I think it was Darwin who said that.
And it isn't just the pregnancy thing. I love visiting my parents in California because without a doubt, as soon as I cross the border out of Utah, people will start commenting on me and my family. "Oh, they are so beautiful, are they all yours?" (no one asks that in Utah, see) And when I answer yes.... "FOUR children! How amazing/brilliant/lucky/young you are! And you look so great! How do you manage that, you must be so busy." And I bashfully admit that I don't work, but that I am a full-time mom and I get back... "Good for you. That is the best thing you can be doing!" I mean for real! Strangers are really nice to moms and pregnant women outside of Utah. Supportive, helpful, complimentary, supernice. And my question is, why are we not the same way here? The answer is of course so obvious, because we are just too darn busy with our own mess of kids or grandkids to notice someone else's. But this is a sad sad excuse.
So here is my latest resolution. I am going to take notice of other people with children. I am going to say nice things and be helpful and make them feel great because they deserve to feel like they are doing something really amazing and important, even if most people around them are doing the exact same thing.
Now I know I have just added potential further ammunition to the anti-Utah arsenals some of you may be stockpiling. So be it. We totally deserve it on this one. Just be gentle, is all I ask.
And just for fun, here is my top 5 list of Utah Tall Tales - things that you persist in believing about us:
1. Utahns are 2 years behind in fashion and 9 in hairstyles. I would deny this if I could, but just for the record, whenever I go anywhere out of state, I get complimented on my Utah hair. It seems women of all geographies hunger for a little more volume. Bouffants Without Borders. I think it could do very well. I don't think it is as much as being behind, as willfully setting our foot down. We've found what works for us and we are sticking with it. Would that you could be so bold.
2. We are the land of multi-level marketing. There will be no denial, only a massive effort to pull you down with us. We may start the ideas, but you all go to the parties, too. I know this to be true. My mom's mailbox is always overflowing with invites.
3. We have obnoxious accents. So do you. See, it all depends on your point of view. Oh and by the by, I spent the first eight years of my life here listening for people to call it "American Fawrk" and was bitterly disappointed. Although I did once ask a person who grew up in Lehi which southern state she was from.
4. If you move to Utah, you have 2 years to get a) a full-size SUV and b) a boob job. Uh...well...I...mm...ah... I'm pretty sure this is completely true.
5. Utah Mormons are totally different from non-Utah Mormons. And so deserve your scorn. In my humble experience, the makeup in my wards are generally half and half. Half Utah native/ half not. And adherence to the above "Tall Tales" is no indicator of someone's pedigree. So there.
Victory.
2 hours ago
11 comments:
Heather you do not have Utah hair, which is why you get complimented. You have cute hair. All the time. In any state of the union.
I love Utah too. Just not as much as I love the ocean :). There are lots of things we miss about living there, like living close to you guys!
HAHA!
Well, I just decided a few years back that I really like Utah. A lot. When ever I visit and see all your green I swear up and down to Christian- someday SOMEDAY we will move our children to greenery and plural backyards. Did you get my joke??? Plural backyards. That's backyards without fences.... That the kids share.... Worked better in my mind. Anyway,
The thing you dislike is what I love. That when I go, I just blend into the scenery and NO one is asking me if they are all mine.. I love it. No long stories and explanations to give. I'm sure if I just shut up and stop being so paranoid I wouldn't have to tell the long story and explain to anyone here in California when they ask. But that's an issue I have that won't get resolved any time soon.
Anyway, I love just being part of the crowd and blending in (yes) and not being noticed so much. And not embarrassing Christian when someone asks for the umpteenth time, if, they are all ours.
Well, sort of, see, we call them all ours but.....
You are beautiful! Your kids are beautiful! You are an amazing mom!
And I agree with Susie. Someday, if for the umpteenth time someone sees me in a store (usually with only half my children) and says "Wow, you have your hands full!" I might completely lose it on them. Dale would finally get the flip out he's been waiting for.
Once upon a time there was a chance we were going to be relocated to Salt Lake City and I honestly didn't mind. It's not Utah that annoys me so much as native have-never-before-left-the-promised-land Utahns, at least the ones who move into whatever ward/branch I'm living in, think they are in hell because it's not Utah, and condescend to my husband because he's a convert. But not all Utahns are like that. And there are even some non-Utahns that are like that. But a high enough percentage of these people ARE from Utah or Idaho, which has caused me to feel a wee bit of prejudism towards them. Which is wrong, I'm sure, and someday I'll move past it.
Okay. Not where this comment was originally going, but now I'm rambling. I love you, I love that you love Utah, and therefore I love Utah. And I have to admit the availability of fry sauce does increase Utah's charm.
And you do not have Utah hair.
I don't even want to get started. Really. Let's just say that one year was all I could do. Whether that's more of a reflection on ME or a reflection on the "culture", I don't know.
In Utah's defense, it wasn't as bad as I had imagined it to be. Relatively safe, big wards, pretty mountains. But for a girl that hates the cold, snow, hiking, skiing, mountain biking, camping, bad drivers (come on now- you didn't even touch on that!)and diversity....well, it wasn't a good match. It's an acquired taste to be sure, and people seem to feel passionate about it, one way or the other. Whenever anyone asks, I just like to say, "It's lovely. Just not for me."
P.S On our way to Texas, we spent the night in New Mexico, where, as my daughter pointed out to me, she saw the first black family she had seen in a year. And I knew we had made the right decision to move.
ok, first of all you are really fun to read. I usually just like to browse through pictures on blogs but you are very interesting and funny. Second, I can totally relate to the california native thing. I'm from nor cal and swore I'd never live here. I've lived here for 11 years now and I love everything but...the WINTER! I'm trying so hard but I really hate the cold.
I hate to tell you but Californians and New Englanders do not have a corner on the superiority market. By the way, I'm a Californian living in New England, does that make me doubly superior? :) Anyway, when Utahans come to New England or to other parts of the "mission field", they have the misguided notion that they are coming to save the locals. There is really a sense they give off that they know how to run the church "properly" and they have blessed the local New Englanders with that knowledge. It is VERY annoying. I really even hate to admit to locals here that I ever lived in Utah for fear they'll think I think I'm superior in my church knowledge. There are also some absolutely amazing Utahans who come out here and don't act superior, but it happens far too much. I think that's where Utahans get their bad rap. They often think they know better than then the rest of the country on how to run the church.
I had my own issues with Utah, I think. I didn't like how Utahans can be very judgemental if you don't do exactly the right or ideal thing. With my past, that has bothered me. BUT, there are a lot of wonderful Utah locals. I'm sure the majority of them are lovely, it's that nasty minority that gives them the rep. This is actually the reason we chose to live in Park City. The Mormons there are more relaxed, in general, and not quite so judgemental. In the end, Utah was not a good fit for us.
Having said that, I don't think Utah is a bad place. I think, like you, there are pros and cons to anywhere you live. It's all about finding the right place for you and that's different for everyone. For a lot of people, Utah is the right place. And I can see why. It is definitely prettier than the California central valley! That's for dang sure! :)
I agree with you about getting attention in other places. One of the first things I noticed when we moved to CT was that every time I went to a grocery store or out in public, in general, my kids got attention, especially from older ladies. I loved my babies getting fawned over! I still love it!
Woohaha, I LOVE the controversy! And you know I usually really don't, but you are all people I know and love, so I feel safe.
I appreciate those (Jaz and Rebecca and Alyson) who had the gumption to totally set me in my place. So I guess the church really IS true outside of Utah. Hmm... Yes, we Utahns are not perfect, can even be extremely obnoxious, we just can't let anyone know that we know, you know? Thanks for being charitable in your criticisms, although it sounds like we probably don't deserve your generosity. I'm saddened to hear some of you have had bad experiences.
Living anywhere has its blessings and trials. I have been blessed to live in two of the greatest places I know of, California and Utah, and may even get to try out another one of these days (not an announcement, Erin) and I am quite certain I would love it, too. I am not trying to say that the places I've lived are perfect, they are just all I know and I have grown to love them. As I am sure you love where you live. My point in writing and in taking on such a smug tone in my post, was a) to be funny (haha) and b) to send out a plea to not judge Utahns, just because that is where they happen to live, for whatever reason. Let us prove ourselves narrowminded, prejudiced, judgmental, or whatever, before you assume us to be. My hope for my people is that we won't, more often than will. I always get nervous telling people where I am from when we visit another ward in another area, because I don't want them to write me off, or make assumptions, or think I'm not a good church member, just because I live somewhere where it's "easy" to be a Mormon. People are people, no matter where they are from, and I'm just guessing that the bad apples will be bad apples no matter what tree they grow on and the good ones will stand out whatever their circumstances.
You guys are great, thanks for taking the time to leave your thought-provoking comments. I've loved them all.
Oh crap! I wrote Utahns wrong throughout my entire comment! I really hate when I misspell. I wasn't quite sure, so I added the "a".
Utahns aren't particularly horrible people. They really aren't. Some of the best people in the world live in Utah. But like any place, there are certain regional characteristics. I've lived in CA, Utah, Idaho, England, and now the east coast. What I have found that there are pros and cons to the local people everywhere. Not everyone is the same in the region, obviously, but there is a general attitude unique to every region. I mean, I love living in New England. I want to stay here forever, but there are certain things about people here that I hate. But, like I said in my previous comment, it's all about which area is right for you. Which area can you deal with the cons the easiest? Where do the pros outweigh the cons for you? That's what it comes down to, I think.
By the way, I got your message and I'm about to go respond. Love you, Heather, and I'm glad you found the place you love. :)
I couldn't help but comment on this one . . . I love your blog and your perspective! Being a native Utah Mormon, I have to admit that everything your friends and you wrote were not only true, but completely cracked me up! Call me a heathen! The part I appreciate most about your post however is your Utah Tall-Tales! Specifically #2 and #4! You called it right, and I am dying laughing at the truth of it! You are a doll! Utah hair or not, I'd like to look exactly like you someday! :)
What a fabulous post, Heather Maren! How fun. And I second what Alyson said, many Utahns coming to New England want to "fix" whatever they think we are doing wrong, and look down on us for not being from Utah. I haven't found it to be a problem in the midwest, maybe it is just a New England phenomenon. It was especially prevalent in Maine, though I did see it a bit in Boston.
And you are right. Hearing someone is "from Utah" should not make me assume they are narrow minded, prideful, and condescending. I really try not to feel that until they act it.
But, my dear, you have an advantage - you HAVE lived elsewhere, and know that there is life outside of Utah. The most annoying Utahns are never able to admit that. Or maybe honestly don't believe it.
Ack! Getting all worked up again. There are some lovely people who have lived in Utah all their life. I'm sure. :-)
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